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Is anyone else out there private about ttc with family/friends? I don't know, maybe some of you are comfortable telling your nearest and dearest, but I'm just not. That's why I really appreciate this forum: being able to ask questions while still remaining anonymous. I don't want to tell my parents because no matter how old I am or how "successful" I am in my life, I am fairly certain they'll think it would have been smarter/better to wait just a few more years. (That's their attitude about everything...getting married, moving, buying a house, buying a car, etc.) My in-laws would probably be supportive, but I think it's weird to basically tell by in-laws that I'm having unprotected sex with their son :-P
So my in-laws are super sweet, and they generally have a glass or two of wine with each meal. Before ttc, I almost always had one with them, too, with the exception of being Designated Driver (there's 0 tolerance with drinking and driving here, so even a glass of wine is not acceptable if you're driving). So today, I'm just starting my 2ww, so I would really rather not have any wine, but my in-laws were more or less forcing it on me, lol. A couple of months ago, we had lunch with them, and lunch consisted almost entirely of foods that you're not supposed to eat if you're pregnant (uncooked lunch meats, uncooked fish, soft blue cheeses, etc.) I ended up just eating salad, and hoped nobody noticed. I can get away with asking for decaf coffee in the evenings if I say I don't sleep well, but it's harder to get away with it in the morning or at lunchtime.
What are your best "nonchalant" excuses for rejecting non-preggo-friendly food and drinks without giving it away that you're ttc? So far, all I've got is "I'm driving," which doesn't work if I'm not actually the one driving!
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- by tifsin
- Posts 220
Wed Jun 27, 2012 4:24 pm
- by mommylove2
- Posts 583
Wed Jun 27, 2012 5:33 pm
I actually just told my family that we were TTC about a week ago and we have been TTC for over a year! And I told my friends today that we are TTC! It's not that I was trying to hide it from anyone or whatever. But TTC can definitely be a personal thing between the couple! I always said things like, "my stomach is upset" or "Im just not in the mood"!
- by Ariel Lynn
- Posts 757
Wed Jun 27, 2012 5:47 pm
I'm going through the same thing! My parents are like yours so it's just easier to not let them know. His parents know and are okay with it. They wish we were married first, but they're kinda old school. His mum thinks we shouldn't even be living together yet, but that's another story. 
Anyway, I'm having the same issue around my mum. We went out the other day and I was snacking on almonds, which for me is weird as I've never eaten them before I started ttc. I told her I was trying out some new diet, which was mostly true. So if it's something like that, you could say you're trying a new diet. As for stuff like wine or coffee, I agree with pp. Simply say you're not in the mood. I use that excuse a lot.
Anyway, I'm having the same issue around my mum. We went out the other day and I was snacking on almonds, which for me is weird as I've never eaten them before I started ttc. I told her I was trying out some new diet, which was mostly true. So if it's something like that, you could say you're trying a new diet. As for stuff like wine or coffee, I agree with pp. Simply say you're not in the mood. I use that excuse a lot.
- by anna_c_BZCL
- Posts 733
Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:12 pm
I occasionally used the "I'm taking antibiotics that don't mix with alcohol" for people I didn't see very often...Or you could definitely go down the diet/cleanse route too - I'm trying vegetarian for a few days...I'm not eating processed food right now...I'm off dairy for a week....you could tell them each time that the diet is weird and needs you to cut out certain things at different times!
I also told a friend who we used to always drink wine with that I was cutting out all alcohol and caffeine [add to the list as necessary] because of trying to prevent migraines following the advice of my neurologist. Which was kind of true. You could just make up something!
We are lucky though that all our family live in New Zealand so it wasn't exactly hard to hide!
I also told a friend who we used to always drink wine with that I was cutting out all alcohol and caffeine [add to the list as necessary] because of trying to prevent migraines following the advice of my neurologist. Which was kind of true. You could just make up something!
We are lucky though that all our family live in New Zealand so it wasn't exactly hard to hide!
- by comewhatmae
- Posts 1871
Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:30 pm
I only hide TTC from my work and there's always some kind of function that I have to go to that involves pregnancy or TTC no no's for me.
Alcohol - I say "I'm driving" or "I'm detoxing, had too much yesterday" there is lots of drinking going on at work functions, everyone is too tipsy to notice I'm not drinking
Food - "No thanks, I'm watching my weight...or "Oh I'll pass on the blue cheese, and have X instead" and I always compliment what they have out that I can eat
Caffeine during the day - "I've switched to tea, I'm detoxing".
Alcohol - I say "I'm driving" or "I'm detoxing, had too much yesterday" there is lots of drinking going on at work functions, everyone is too tipsy to notice I'm not drinking
Food - "No thanks, I'm watching my weight...or "Oh I'll pass on the blue cheese, and have X instead" and I always compliment what they have out that I can eat
Caffeine during the day - "I've switched to tea, I'm detoxing".
- by sockmonkeys
- Posts 928
Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:38 pm
We didn't tell family until we had been TTC for 3 years. It started to get too hard to hear them ask "so when are you going to have kids?" or " so and so has 2 kids already when are you gonna pop one out?" as if were just that easy! My parents are much like yours. I'm the youngest of five and they always see me as a kid, regardless of my age, marital status, or career. However our conversation was more about us telling them that producing a child isn't going to be fast or easy. We have obstacles that we have to get through in order for it to happen. We both come from very fertile families so none of them really understand what we are going through. My dad doesn't understand the sensitivity of it all and says things like "I'm glad I never had issues making kids" and "are you sure you're doing it right". He's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed sometimes. We have several friends with kids that were all opps-a-babies but they see how we are with their children and understand our desire to have a family of our own.
Good luck! And I hope you don't h e to have the "we are TTC" talk and you can have the "we are having a baby" talk soon!
Good luck! And I hope you don't h e to have the "we are TTC" talk and you can have the "we are having a baby" talk soon!
- by beachblue86
- Posts 554
Wed Jun 27, 2012 6:51 pm
I also use the "I'm on this new diet" approach if any situations like that emerge.
I have not told any friends that were are TTCing and the only family member that knows is my sister. And she only knows because of a slip up on my part. I don't plan on telling my parents or my in-laws that were are TTCing because I don't want to deal with their reactions. However, DH and I have decided that if we get to the point of trying IVF we will inform the families then.
I have not told any friends that were are TTCing and the only family member that knows is my sister. And she only knows because of a slip up on my part. I don't plan on telling my parents or my in-laws that were are TTCing because I don't want to deal with their reactions. However, DH and I have decided that if we get to the point of trying IVF we will inform the families then.
Praying for a sticky bean!
- by tifsin
- Posts 220
Thu Jun 28, 2012 6:07 am
Thanks for all of the advice! :-) I can see that I've created a few problems for myself, so that some of those excuses just won't work for me: I'm one of those annoying women who is naturally petite; I eat quite a lot and generally don't put on much weight. When I have wanted to lose weight in the past, I've been adamant that exercise was the answer, and never "fad diets," lol. I believe in everything in moderation, and I do not believe it is healthy to completely cut out one type of food (carbs, meats, etc.) That's just how I've always been, so I'm fairly certain that saying I'm dieting would put up a red flag to anyone who knows me well :-P
Additionally, I've always teased DH because he's a picky eater. I was raised in a household where you eat everything that is served to you, and you never say "I don't like that." Even if you don't like it, you eat it anyway, with a smile, because it is impolite to be a picky eater. So my MIL and I have always joked about DH being so picky, and I've never refused anything when we eat with others. So again, suddenly saying "I'm not in the mood" would probably seem odd to those who know me...
But I think I can use the migraine one! I have honestly been having more frequent headaches since we started ttc, and I've been kind of cranky, too, so I think I'll use that as my main excuse for a while ;-)
Thanks again! Hopefully we won't have to keep hiding it for too long! Crossing my fingers that we get good news in about a week and a half!
Additionally, I've always teased DH because he's a picky eater. I was raised in a household where you eat everything that is served to you, and you never say "I don't like that." Even if you don't like it, you eat it anyway, with a smile, because it is impolite to be a picky eater. So my MIL and I have always joked about DH being so picky, and I've never refused anything when we eat with others. So again, suddenly saying "I'm not in the mood" would probably seem odd to those who know me...
But I think I can use the migraine one! I have honestly been having more frequent headaches since we started ttc, and I've been kind of cranky, too, so I think I'll use that as my main excuse for a while ;-)
Thanks again! Hopefully we won't have to keep hiding it for too long! Crossing my fingers that we get good news in about a week and a half!
- by srn0311
- Posts 228
Thu Jun 28, 2012 4:52 pm
I love this topic! We don't tell anyone what are family plans are. Its always on my mind, and a constant worry of mine as well. Seems if I try to play it off as nothing, people still get suspecious and will blurt out "what are you pregnant or what?" regardless of whose around or what I'm doing. For me, its more the alcohol. I will usually have 1 or 2 drinks whenever we are in a social setting, so if I decline, its like an instant red flag for people. I hate it, its like, "its none of your business!!" And its mostly just my friends. Our families don't pry in our private business so for that I am grateful. So sometimes we just dodge social gatherings all together. Especially in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, I am like a hermit. I HATE lying, but I refuse to let anyone find out until after the 12 week mark. While TTC, I come up with something like "oh..I drank a lot last night and still have a headache" or "I am using pain killers and don't want to mix" or the designated driver excuse. Or, I have even got creative and just drank a glass of sprite, and said it was vodka and sprite.
- by lgmommawannabe
- Posts 621
Mon Jul 09, 2012 1:56 pm
With our daughter, we didn't tell anyone we were TTC. Our families assumed it was an "accident". She's 8 months old now and we're TTC #2, and the only people that know are friends of ours that TTC their 4th. I didn't want to tell anyone the first time in case it didn't happen right away. I didn't want people to be expecting it and waiting for it and think something was wrong if it didn't happen right away. We've not told family this time because I know they'll think we're nuts for wanting another baby when our first is only 8 months, but I don't want them very spaced out in age.
Brentley Peyton
- by LBrooke
- Posts 1
Wed Oct 17, 2012 12:32 pm
I’m new to this site but am very excited. My husband and I decided to hide that we are TTC. My husband felt that it would take the pressure off of us and eliminate all the unwanted advice and questioning for me. But I have to share with someone! We just got married on Aug., I stopped taking the pill that I was on for 12 years and I just got my first real period! I had endometriosis but was told on my last visit that it has gone away so my chances of conceiving are better.
I just want you all to know that I am praying for all of you and asking that we all have healthy babies and enjoy our time getting there!
- Lindsay
I just want you all to know that I am praying for all of you and asking that we all have healthy babies and enjoy our time getting there!
- Lindsay