I am not dealing with this as perfectly as I thought xpost : Child or Pregnancy Loss

Sun Nov 01, 2009 11:10 pm

In September we lost our second baby in 9 months, this one at 13 weeks as apposed to 11 weeks. It has been terriable on my body, three d&cs in 2.5 weeks. My body is still recovering, and I pray to God it is almost over.

Well we got the ashes two days ago, and I have been crying off and on since than. I think it is because the medical crud is settling down more, and I am not spending most of my time in the hosptial, that it has finally hit me; I many never have another baby! My last baby, I got to see her alive at the 13 week ultrasound. I saw her wave, she was perfectly fine, I heard her little heart beat a couple of days later, how could she die a day or two after that?

I miss her!!! I miss her more today than I did a month ago, I have had more time to think. I just want THIS baby. My husband says he is done, he doesn't want to try again, and I don't think it is just grief talking, I really think he means it.

Mon Nov 02, 2009 10:42 am

I am so sorry. I have felt much the same way this year, with all the medical issues, etc. It's just seemed never ending.
The loss is so hard to accept. Seeing your little girl move around, wave, and in my case she had her thumb in her mouth - or, at least it looked like it :-). It's so hard. I'm waiting for the pain to end as well. It's not as raw now, but it's still there.
Big hugs.

Mon Nov 02, 2009 3:36 pm

I am so sorry you are having to go through this...Its such a difficult time. I know how hard it is, the pain takes time to fade... I felt my Isabelle moving about until the min she was born, thats when we lost her. I`m not at almost 1.5 years later and its still painful, after time you learn to live your day to day life with that pain...and slowly you will feel happy again.

Hugs
Katherine

Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:18 pm

I am so sorry you are having to deal with physical issues as well as the pain of loss. It is hard to make sense of it when you had the chance to see your wonderful little one being active on an u/s. I have a video and 3D pictures and have not been able to look at them since my loss. Some days are better than others. I hope someday you can find peace with your current family or by adding one more.

Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:58 am

Just by reading your words I feel your pain..I am so sorry you're going through this its not fair the way life works sometimes..today is 3 months since I lost my baby and only GOD knows why...its like we do everything to prepare our bodies and stay healthy yet this happends to us...im going to say a prayer tonight and hopefully it'll give you comfort and strength...((((HUGS))))

Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:51 pm

Tracy I am so sorry for your loss.
I know seeing an U/S and then the baby dying so soon afterwards is baffling. I had an u/s at 37 weeks and our baby was fine, then by the time I reached 38 weeks he had passed away. That was this past June.
Every bit of it is hard. But after the first month the fog started to lift a bit and the fullness of the grief REALLY hit. So the fact that you feel even worse right now is very normal and to be expected. I'm sitting here right now almost 5 months out and I can tell you it has gotten better. Some days are worse than others, but I am doing far better than I was when I was just a month past the death. I hope that encourages you.
You won't always feel this low.
((hugs))

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I am not dealing with this as perfectly as I thought xpost