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WHAMSorry for this story of a post. I just needed to be able to get it all out.
So in all the things I read about grieving and going through a miscarriage, I've read that what is normal for me is normal. I just had my first pregnancy & it ended in a miscarriage (I was 7weeks). I had accepted it at the very beginning. I got angry but kept holding on to the positive factors that we would be trying again as soon as we were told it was okay. I was heartbroken and cried for a day or so (this was the first day or so I was started passing things). We went to the doctor on day 3 of my miscarriage and got a confirmation from the doctor and scheduled a d&c for 2 days later (which was today). Yesterday was horrible. Physically and therefore mentally (and emotionally). I passed so much tissue and matter and the feeling of it falling from my body was just too much for me. I cried a lot of the afternoon and evening. I did not sleep much at all.
This morning I had my d&c. I could not wait to just have the physical aspect of everything over. Part of me felt horrible for wanting the whole thing to be over. I'm more of a deal/accept/move on type person. I will never forget this little life that began inside of me and I know that she (I have always felt this baby was a girl so I continue to refer to her as such) is playing happily with her cousins and her grandfathers and I will hold her one day. Right now though, I feel completely fine (I do cry when I think of not being able to look at my baby's face in this life). I am no longer mourning our loss but thrilled at the fact that we will soon hold a baby in our arms and that (as sad as I am in losing this child) all of our future children will forever have an older sibling watching over them.
I read all these stories and the grief that people go through and I wonder why I am not grieving as long. Why am I able to move on so quickly? I feel like it makes me a horrible person for being at peace with all of this so quickly. My husband reassures me that I am not horrible. All of my family keeps telling me that it will all be okay and I can't tell them that I know, that I'm already okay and I love them for supporting and caring but that I've moved past the grief.
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- by slc0118
- Posts 230
Wed Jun 20, 2012 1:13 pm
- by kdianne
- Posts 1513
Wed Jun 20, 2012 5:50 pm
ok, so, yes, this is normal.
I have been ttc for over 3 yrs. I have been through multiple IVF cycles, and in Oct 2011 I did my first FET (frozen embryo transfer) which resulted in my first pregnancy. Of course, I was super excited and happy, but part of me wasn't really sure how real it was, or could be. A couple weeks after we found out I was pregnant, I started losing the baby. I was 6w4d when the u/s showed no hb (after having seen a hb on 2 previous u/s), it was too late and he was gone (I, too, always felt mine was a boy, so he is always referred to as such
). 2 days after that (the day after Thanksgiving) is when I finally passed him. I was mostly ok with what had happened right away. I never cried, which I thought was strange, but on the other hand, its like I knew from the start it wasn't going to go very far. I did, however, get pretty angry. I hated that I had to be around so much family all the time with the holidays going on the whole next month. I love Christmas, but didn't care about it at all this year, there was no decorations in the house, and only a few on the outside. I knew that I was going to go ahead and try again right away, but I just didn't know when I would be able to start the process. I seemed to bleed forever!! (37 days to be exact). finally, the week between Christmas and New Years I stopped bleeding and I told the dr I was ready to try again, but that I wanted to just do a more "casual" approach. so we did 2 medicated cycles before going back to IVF. we did our 4th retrieval in March 2012, but because of lining issues, we couldn't transfer, and we froze all of the embryos and we were going to transfer in May. DH lost his job in April instead, so we have been on hold, until now. He starts his new job Monday, and in August we will be able to move forward again.
So, again, yes, the fact that you are able to move on, remembering that she will be watching over you all, is normal. no one else can decide for you when you are ready except you. you are going to think of your little one every now and again, and your due date month might be a little difficult, but she is up there picking out her brothers and sisters for you to have later on.
(((HUGS)))
I have been ttc for over 3 yrs. I have been through multiple IVF cycles, and in Oct 2011 I did my first FET (frozen embryo transfer) which resulted in my first pregnancy. Of course, I was super excited and happy, but part of me wasn't really sure how real it was, or could be. A couple weeks after we found out I was pregnant, I started losing the baby. I was 6w4d when the u/s showed no hb (after having seen a hb on 2 previous u/s), it was too late and he was gone (I, too, always felt mine was a boy, so he is always referred to as such
). 2 days after that (the day after Thanksgiving) is when I finally passed him. I was mostly ok with what had happened right away. I never cried, which I thought was strange, but on the other hand, its like I knew from the start it wasn't going to go very far. I did, however, get pretty angry. I hated that I had to be around so much family all the time with the holidays going on the whole next month. I love Christmas, but didn't care about it at all this year, there was no decorations in the house, and only a few on the outside. I knew that I was going to go ahead and try again right away, but I just didn't know when I would be able to start the process. I seemed to bleed forever!! (37 days to be exact). finally, the week between Christmas and New Years I stopped bleeding and I told the dr I was ready to try again, but that I wanted to just do a more "casual" approach. so we did 2 medicated cycles before going back to IVF. we did our 4th retrieval in March 2012, but because of lining issues, we couldn't transfer, and we froze all of the embryos and we were going to transfer in May. DH lost his job in April instead, so we have been on hold, until now. He starts his new job Monday, and in August we will be able to move forward again. So, again, yes, the fact that you are able to move on, remembering that she will be watching over you all, is normal. no one else can decide for you when you are ready except you. you are going to think of your little one every now and again, and your due date month might be a little difficult, but she is up there picking out her brothers and sisters for you to have later on.
(((HUGS)))
Kristie...mommy to angel babies Eskimo (6w4d) & Polar Cub (c/p)
3 transferred, 1 sticky Puggle!
- by AnonymousLucy
- Posts 11
Thu Jun 21, 2012 12:46 pm
During my last pregnancy, we experienced complications and were told that our son's lungs would likely never develop into working lungs and that there was only a 5% chance of survival at birth. Some days I was so ready for it all to be over that I could almost pick up the phone and schedule a termination. It seemed that waiting for the inevitable was far more devastating than just having it happen so we could begin to heal and return to a more normal state instead of living every day in a state of shock and devastation. Each symptom was a slap in the face, and I just wanted it to stop. As callous as that sounds, it was how I felt. I am so sorry for your loss.
- by Mumeva_BZCL
- Posts 1941
Thu Jun 21, 2012 1:20 pm
I am very sorry for your lose. Everyone reacts differently to losing a child. So there is no one right or wrong way to react. All my miscarriages were at home and natural. I cried about them and then told myself that they are in heaven now as angels watching over us. Hugs to you.
Steph. Mother of Eva-15,Jordan-10, Christopher-9, Abigail-6,and a angel son Joshua. Host of Pregnancy and Infant Lose board. Mummieeva@yahoo.com