MIA - Update

I know I have been awful about remembering to come in here...but please don't take offense to it. For one...I really don't get on the computer very much at all compared to how much I used to. I think I maybe do an hour a day now? And that can be 10 min here and 10 min there etc. I am mostly feeding, changing, trying to calm, going on walks - Kira loves walks - trying to sleep, or watching tv at night to unwind etc.

I know I never did do an actual birth story and I apologize for that...I do some posts on the FB board because honestly it just seems so much more easier and casual to do posts there. To do small comments here and there on others etc.

I had Kira on May 18th for those who don't know. I had her the day before my due date, and was induced...which is still crazy to me after I had a long pregnancy of partial bed rest etc. Anyways...things are okay I suppose, considering everything in my life really.

I was the one that had the ex hubby and dad of my 13 year old, and the separated bf/the dad of this baby...he has done a lot better then I thought he would in truth. I have moments of still wanting to hit him, but I think that could just be a common typical dad thing.. ( by saying that I am NOT saying I think all dads are that way though )

But he does buy the things she needs, he is supportive of me breastfeeding her, you can tell he cares for her...and the way she looks up at him when he holds her is pretty clear she loves him too. He has been living here this whole time, for those that forgot or wondered - and it has been at times hard and at times a life savor, because sometimes in middle of night when I am just pushed too too too far, I can say...here, take her, I am going to fall over...

but today got some potential Great news

He has been on the waiting list to get an apartment here for 10 months... (its income based and he cant really afford to go to a norm apt. somewhere else etc - well not and still help with the baby's costs)...

anyways...so today he found out that the apt. across from this one...like 5 feet away maybe? rough estimate...is coming open and Jason may be able to move in like next week or so... this is so great for so many reasons..

I know my Mom thinks him staying in this apt. complex is Too close..and I can see her points on that, but I am going to be blunt...I need his help right now, and he Wants to help with her cause he wants to be in her life...and I don't have other immediate support right here...so it only makes sense for him to be the one helping. We have this...not together but together relationship if that makes any sense...

I think its sorta like friendship...I guess, it's hard to put words to describe it really...

And it's not perfect, I want to seriously hurt him at times... but same time.. he sorta takes it and accepts it...that sounds bad worded that way doesn't it? Ugh..okay, basically...if I lash out, vent, cry, happy one minute and then not the next... he sorta gets why and seems to be understanding on all of that part...which is really good for me right now.

My ex hubby used to always just tell me to knock it off and never got the emotional side of me etc.

But Jason can still be sooooo ughh at times...he has this knack to say inappropriate things at times...like his brain doesn't even think or has bad bad social skills or something...

but on any pro...if I tell him to stop it etc. and explain why you don't say such stupid things to someone...he does at least say sorry and then seems to get it After you explain it etc...

though it gets old that you have to explain it..

Okay, sorry, enough update on That part...

let me update on my Kira now

She is mostly doing so good...part is not, but that is beyond typical I know. Like the...I am going to cry and act starved even though you just gave me 4 ounces of food 20 min ago... or the, I know it's 4 am but I have decided to stay awake and alert and keep you/mommy up for another 2 hours and cry any time you try to lay your head on the pillow.. lol fun times..

But of course I am completely in love with her AND even better news? My Caitlin seems to be really adjusting to it all, and I was honestly so worried on that because she is 13 and was never a baby person and yeah...but she honestly is doing pretty good about it all now, and few days ago even let me go take a very much needed bath and fed Kira for me.

The only possible bad news is I was told last week she may have a 'tethered spinal cord' and we go this Wed. to get an ultrasound to find out if she does. I don't know much on it and I got scared when tried to look it up, so instead going to just wait to find out if she even has it and how bad etc.

I will get some pics...it doesnt seem to be uploading here, if I can't get that to work, I will find another way to get a few on here to share. And I promise to try to start coming in here more often too.