Wow! What an awful thing to have happen. I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. I couldn't imagine losing my husband. You have to be strong now for yourself and for your kids. They need their Mommy. You will find that in time it will get a little easier...but the questions and ''what-ifs" will always haunt your thoughts. You have to believe in yourself. Know that you can deal with the pain, even though it will always be there. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that everything will get better soon, it is a long journey. But, ultimately it's all about how you choose to deal with the loss. How you choose to move forward without letting go of the love you felt. I know you can do this! It's a long and trying process and with the children involved, I know it must be exhausting. Just always remember to be the best that you can be for those that you still have with you. In time, things we become more clear. For now, just take it all one moment at a time. That's all we can really do.
I too am grieving a loss. I lost my Mom last May, to causes that still aren't even fully understood. I have many unanswered questions. She was also very young (44), and wasn't sick or on medication or anything. Dealing with such a sudden loss of someone you are so close with and depend on for so much and love so dearly, is really overwhelming. I know. She and I were like best friends. The day I lost her I thought my world was coming to an end. But then I remembered my beautiful children, and my husband and our life. I know that you also have other people who need you to be strong. I have watched my Mom's husband sit at home and grieve sadly for almost 10 months. We are all hurting, but he is the only one who isn't moving forward. It's awful to see him like this. Trust me, you will be overcome sadness and overwhelmed by grief if you don't take care of yourself. You sound like you are on the right path, though. You sound clear and calm and like you are on the right path. Keep going strong. Reach out to help in your area, too. That was a great suggestion
Best of luck! Post whenever you need to talk.