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WHAMHi i am new here. My name is Sara I am 23, married for almost 2 years. i wanted to know if there are any women like me here on this board who had neonatal loss. I didn't have a miscarriage i had my son through emergency C-section at 30 weeks due to PPROM. He lived for 3 days then passed. I didn't get to hold him. His Birthday is coming soon 5th March and i am really sad these day. How do you deal with seeing all the baby clothes and stuff. I just sit in the nursery and look at everything and cry. most of the big things like crib etc. are hidden but i don't want to hide all the clothes as they are all organised and i expected to be pregnant some time ago. Every month when AF comes i just feel like thats another month later in the year to have my LO. I know it will come when God wills it, but is there anyone out there who feels like me? Can't talk to anyone about my feelings because i don't want them to know those private thought. Can't talk to my husband because he is still heartbroken as is my mother.
Thank you for reading.
- BabyZone
- Community
- Grief and Loss Support
- Trying to Conceive After Loss
- by MrsDedo
- Posts 126
Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:21 pm
<3 Hoping for my rainbow baby <3
- by Mumeva_BZCL
- Posts 1941
Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:21 pm
I am so sorry for your lose. While it is not the same I lost my son Joshua when he was 5 1/2 wks old. I was not allowed to hold him when we took him to the hospital. it hurt so bad. The first birthday is a hard time as is the Angelversary. On Carrot(his nickname) birthday I made a cake and we went to his grave to sing happy birthday. I know people are hurting. But talk to them please. It is the best thing possible. It is such a taboo and hushed thing. But we need to talk to heal. My son has been gone 3 years. It hurt still but the pain changes. It took a year for me to even think about another child(I have 4 other children). But like you when my periods came I was so sad. I hope you are able to get pregnant and get a tae home baby soon.
Steph. Mother of Eva-15,Jordan-10, Christopher-9, Abigail-6,and a angel son Joshua. Host of Pregnancy and Infant Lose board. Mummieeva@yahoo.com
- by MrsDedo
- Posts 126
Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:46 pm
thanks for replying to me. I was hoping someone would write something tonight. I don't want to open that subject with anyone i love because they will just cry or get annoyed. It seems it is especially hard for my husband as he spent the most time with my son as i was still recovering from surgery and baby got taken to a different hospital far away. So he spent his time there and he held him and buried him. I don't want to keep reminding him but i see his hopes go up every month and go down when i get my period. Anyway i thank God for everything. I just wanted to talk to someone who understands a little.
<3 Hoping for my rainbow baby <3
- by BZCA_Pia
- Site Admin
- Posts 1365
Sat Jan 26, 2013 5:45 pm
MrsDedo wrote:Hi i am new here. My name is Sara I am 23, married for almost 2 years. i wanted to know if there are any women like me here on this board who had neonatal loss. I didn't have a miscarriage i had my son through emergency C-section at 30 weeks due to PPROM. He lived for 3 days then passed. I didn't get to hold him. His Birthday is coming soon 5th March and i am really sad these day. How do you deal with seeing all the baby clothes and stuff. I just sit in the nursery and look at everything and cry. most of the big things like crib etc. are hidden but i don't want to hide all the clothes as they are all organised and i expected to be pregnant some time ago. Every month when AF comes i just feel like thats another month later in the year to have my LO. I know it will come when God wills it, but is there anyone out there who feels like me? Can't talk to anyone about my feelings because i don't want them to know those private thought. Can't talk to my husband because he is still heartbroken as is my mother.
Thank you for reading.
Hello MrsDedo,
I was just reading your post and wanted to welcome you to BabyZone and also to let you know that I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine having to go through something like this.
I agree with Mumeva_BZCL. Talk about it to your husband and mom; they might just be afraid to talk to you thinking they will hurt you even more. Remember we are also here for you.
Let us know how are doing please.
Best wishes,
Pia
- by Mumeva_BZCL
- Posts 1941
Sat Jan 26, 2013 6:42 pm
MrsDedo wrote:thanks for replying to me. I was hoping someone would write something tonight. I don't want to open that subject with anyone i love because they will just cry or get annoyed. It seems it is especially hard for my husband as he spent the most time with my son as i was still recovering from surgery and baby got taken to a different hospital far away. So he spent his time there and he held him and buried him. I don't want to keep reminding him but i see his hopes go up every month and go down when i get my period. Anyway i thank God for everything. I just wanted to talk to someone who understands a little.
Sweetie(forgive me i am southern), if they cry then hold them and cry to. Trust me that holding it in makes things worse. My husband and I help each other for days and cried. It helped us and made us stronger. Being alone and not having someone there to help is going to make it harder. If they get mad or annoyed let them. If it comes down to it join a support group. Your hospital will know some likely. There is also a group called COmpasionate Friends. They are a group just for parents who have lost children. They helped me alot when I went there. They have local chapters,a facebook page,and even a website with tips and advice.
Steph. Mother of Eva-15,Jordan-10, Christopher-9, Abigail-6,and a angel son Joshua. Host of Pregnancy and Infant Lose board. Mummieeva@yahoo.com
- by SelenaJean
- Posts 6935
Sat Jan 26, 2013 8:40 pm
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a complicated miscarriage although I was not far along. Mine was a rare problem and I needed several surgeries and was really sick. It was very hard for my husband and I. We had to wait several months before we could try to get pregnant again which I think makes it harder too. Every month you have your period reminds you of what you've lost. My husband and I talked a lot about what happened and he would let me cry on him all I needed. Have you tried talking to your husband and really telling him how you feel? If you feel you can't talk with your husband or mom or a close friend I'd look into a support group or counseling. It will really help! I hope you do not have to wait much longer get pregnant again.
*********************
- by owensmum_BZCL
- Posts 2778
Mon Jan 28, 2013 10:00 am
I am so very sorry for your loss. If you relly feel like you can't or don't want to talk to your dh or family, may I suggest a grief counsellor.
Sometimes an impartial person far away from it all makes it easier to open up. It does sound like you need to talk about it, you need to start letting these emotions out. It is going to be much harder to start the healing process if you are stuck in an emotional libo.
Many ((hugs)) to you.
Sometimes an impartial person far away from it all makes it easier to open up. It does sound like you need to talk about it, you need to start letting these emotions out. It is going to be much harder to start the healing process if you are stuck in an emotional libo.
Many ((hugs)) to you.
My Ovulation Chart
- - - - - -
TTC#3 since Aug 2009
2 ds, 2004, 2009
Angel babies:
08/16/07
02/18/10
08/10
12/15 @8 weeks ectopic,lost right tube
03/03/12
08/12
- - - - - -
TTC#3 since Aug 2009
2 ds, 2004, 2009
Angel babies:
08/16/07
02/18/10
08/10
12/15 @8 weeks ectopic,lost right tube
03/03/12
08/12
- by MrsDedo
- Posts 126
Mon Jan 28, 2013 9:59 pm
Thanks for your replies, I am sad especially that his birthday is coming in march and i had expected to be pregnant by now. I hope that when i get pregnant again and hold my baby it would fill this hole that i have. I feel in a strange place i'm not a mum but i am. i have no baby but just this c-section scar which reminds me all the time. I know when i have my baby God willing that these feelings will go but for now i am just trying to distract myself and hope it will get better. But i would like to say to anyone who is in my place that time does make it easier and 1 month postpartum is completely different to 3 to 6 to 9 etc.Of course i can't forget my son but time makes it less hard. Thank you for listening to me.
<3 Hoping for my rainbow baby <3
- by JandAtrying
- Posts 3133
Sat Feb 02, 2013 6:56 pm
I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how hard it is for you to look at the baby stuff. When I had my miscarriages before my daughter was born, I would feel really down and had a hard time watching people around me being pregnant, having babies, posting pictures on facebook, etc. But that doesn't even begin to compare with what you are dealing with, so I am sending {{{{HUGS}}}} your way.
