Sat Mar 13, 2010 11:21 pm
I lost my little angel to SIDS she passed away a day before she turned 2 months old which happened to be a day before Valentines. The day before she passed away I stayed up with her until 6am. I went sleep and got up 2 times to breast feed her. I went to sleep at 11am. My oldest daughter Jozilyn woke my husband and I at 1:20PM. I jumped up and realized that Arionna wasn't up yet. I went to pick her up and realized her face did not look right she wasn't breathing. I started to scream and cry I yelled to my husband Arionna isn't breathing. He said are you sure and when he saw my face he realized I wasn't being dramatic like usual. I am like most mother who poke their baby's and if they don't respond that second you freak out yes that was me. But this was searious my baby was not breathing I held her in my arms and ran to the phone and called 911. I proceded to give her CPR and I gave my husband the phone. They told me to give him the phone because I was screaming at first and I was incoherant. When I calmed down we switched positions and he gave me the phone and proceded to do CPR as well. The ambulance came withing 2 minutes which felt like a life time. They put her on our kitchen table and told me to do CPR while they pumped her chest. They then ran off with her in the ambulance and took off with no word. All I remember was screaming they took my baby, they took my baby. I called my mother in law to come and get Jozilyn I told her what happened luckly she only lives 2 minutes away. When we all got ready to drive off a cop arrived and said we had to let him in our house to check for foul play he asked us a few questions and then let us go. We were driving to the hospital and we both kept telling each other she can still be alive. We got to the hospital and they immediately took us to a family room and told us we needed to wait for the doctor. I started to scream and cry at that moment I knew she was dead. The doctor confirmed my worst fear and took us in to see her they let us hold her for an hour. Then they took us back to the family room to question us like suspects. They kept asking us the same questions in different formats. When they asked about her past medical history I told them at one month old she suffered from pnuemonia, RSV, and respritory failure. All of a sudden their tone changed to Im sorry for your loss. I had to wait two whole days for the autopsy report. For those 2 days all i kept asking myself was what if I stayed up with her maybe she would be alive or what if she sufforcated??? The coroner's office called me and told me she died from SIDS. That is when I realized it was not my fault there was nothing I could have done different. She would have died anyways! To anyone out there that has had this same experience know this you are not alone. And it wasn't your fault. I have learned that life is precious and short so live life to the fullest. Hold your little ones like there is no tomorrow. All I know is that I loved my little angel as much as I could. I appreciate my time I have with Jozilyn and can't stop telling her how much I love her and can't stop kissing her even though at times it irritates her. The hardest thing about this whole ordeal is telling Jozilyn that her little sister is in Heaven with the stars and the moon and that she is not coming back. I tell her though that we will always have her in our hearts and dreams.
Mommy's Angel RIP!