Choosing between family events

Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:01 pm

Let's say you have a large family and all of your siblings decided to get married in the same less than 12 month span. Two of them are getting married in a 4 month period. You are not made of money, so you have to choose.

You find the choice easy. One person's wedding has been planned for awhile and the other person just got engaged a few weeks ago and planned a date in front of the other wedding, so one factor in the decision is that you think this is rude. The other factor is that your entire family has been asked to be in the other one and will require a decent bit of money. The newest date is also set at the end of an unpaid maternity leave so it is unlikely the person would be able to attend the date on that factor alone because the ol' bank account will probably be in the negatives and there will be no time off available at work.

Let's say you don't necessarily agree with people who have a baby before a wedding and still have a huge wedding anyway. Your family has their panties in a bunch because they think it's more about the fact that this belief that you hold is well known other than the fact that you are the only female in your family who has to work outside the home to provide food and health insurance and also pay for daycare so you do not have as many free funds as everyone else.

How do you go about this? Do you suck it up and find a way to get yourself to the wedding? Do you tell them to get over it? Is it okay to say you are willing to go if someone else buys the ticket since there is no way you can afford to fly your whole family out requiring 4 seats? What is the PC thing to do?

Mommy to twins
http://ifashley.blogspot.com
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Mon Jul 16, 2012 2:19 pm

I think I got a little lost. But is this person IN the wedding?

I live 800 miles away from my family, and I highly doubt they expect me to come to a wedding of theirs. Actually pretty much all my cousins didnt even invite me. I do not have siblings though, so maybe I would feel differently if I had a sister or brother getting married. Maybe then I would try to go. But for me if I was having a wedding here I would not expect any of my family to make the effort to come. I know how expensive flights are, and then to top that off a gift too? that would just be too much.

So I guess my answer is I would not go to the short engagement one. If I was to choose one.

And I am no wedding expert but I would think this could be a Bride Wars kind of thing.

~Natalie~ Co-Leader of Breastfeeding Zone-email- ctcmsmombzhost @ gmail. com

Mon Jul 16, 2012 3:13 pm

It comes down to nothing more than finances to me. You can't afford to go to the one, so unless someone is willing to pay for the whole family to go you can't go. Period.


I will say this. I would try to figure out a way that the sibling could go. The whole family doesn't need to go. The sibling can go & the statement made that with the other wedding coming up that people are in it was only affordable for the one person to go. But that shows that it is important to the person to see their brother/sister get married.

Mon Jul 16, 2012 3:34 pm

It comes down to nothing more than finances to me. You can't afford to go to the one, so unless someone is willing to pay for the whole family to go you can't go. Period.


I will say this. I would try to figure out a way that the sibling could go. The whole family doesn't need to go. The sibling can go & the statement made that with the other wedding coming up that people are in it was only affordable for the one person to go. But that shows that it is important to the person to see their brother/sister get married.

Would it make a difference if the sibling doesn't really enjoy time alone with their family and the thought of going without the kids and DH sounds truly awful? Or should the person just suck it up and go? I thought about the sibling only going, but this will also be the sibling's first week back to work after maternity leave.

Mommy to twins
http://ifashley.blogspot.com
[/url

Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:31 pm

It comes down to nothing more than finances to me. You can't afford to go to the one, so unless someone is willing to pay for the whole family to go you can't go. Period.


I will say this. I would try to figure out a way that the sibling could go. The whole family doesn't need to go. The sibling can go & the statement made that with the other wedding coming up that people are in it was only affordable for the one person to go. But that shows that it is important to the person to see their brother/sister get married.

Would it make a difference if the sibling doesn't really enjoy time alone with their family and the thought of going without the kids and DH sounds truly awful? Or should the person just suck it up and go? I thought about the sibling only going, but this will also be the sibling's first week back to work after maternity leave.

The whole first week back thing makes it hard. But yeah, other than that it is a "suck it up & go" thing to me. I can't stand my sister. We couldn't be more different. I could have had a million & one reasons to not go to her wedding. The fact of it being across the country & us having one income being only one fact. But we went. I went, which was the important part. There are things that you have to suck up & deal with for family.

Mon Jul 16, 2012 9:22 pm

The whole first week back thing makes it hard. But yeah, other than that it is a "suck it up & go" thing to me. I can't stand my sister. We couldn't be more different. I could have had a million & one reasons to not go to her wedding. The fact of it being across the country & us having one income being only one fact. But we went. I went, which was the important part. There are things that you have to suck up & deal with for family.[/quote]

That does make sense. I'm not a fan of my sister at all and not a fan of this whole tacky ordeal with my brother, but I'm feeling a nagging guilt by not going. I just have no idea how we could afford two long distance weddings, the other one which my entire family is a part of (DH and both kids so expensive) even with just one ticket. I'm not sure if I would be emotionally able to leave a new baby behind, especially after the sucky hades of the first week back at work. my family isn't rational so I also think it would be held against me forever. The money might be worth not having to deal with that, lol!

Mommy to twins
http://ifashley.blogspot.com
[/url

Tue Jul 17, 2012 12:19 am

The whole first week back thing makes it hard. But yeah, other than that it is a "suck it up & go" thing to me. I can't stand my sister. We couldn't be more different. I could have had a million & one reasons to not go to her wedding. The fact of it being across the country & us having one income being only one fact. But we went. I went, which was the important part. There are things that you have to suck up & deal with for family.

That does make sense. I'm not a fan of my sister at all and not a fan of this whole tacky ordeal with my brother, but I'm feeling a nagging guilt by not going. I just have no idea how we could afford two long distance weddings, the other one which my entire family is a part of (DH and both kids so expensive) even with just one ticket. I'm not sure if I would be emotionally able to leave a new baby behind, especially after the sucky hades of the first week back at work. my family isn't rational so I also think it would be held against me forever. The money might be worth not having to deal with that, lol![/quote]


It's hard. How much time would you have to take off work to go? Is it something that you can talk to them about now so they know? The baby could still go since it would be a lap child.

And yeah, I'm hearing you on the expense! My cousin is getting married in Sept. My son is the ring bearer. Tux + shoes=$90. Having to be there Fri night-Sun=$400 hotel bill. Adding a night so that we can go to the aquarium on Sunday & not feel rushed to get home is adding another $125. Plus dresses for me for the wedding & the rehearsal. And gas. And clothes for dh for both. Yeah, wedding aren't cheap for the people in the wedding either! But in my case, I adore my cousin! She tells people I'm the big sister she didn't have.

Fri Jul 27, 2012 3:33 pm

My sister and I both got engaged on Christmas of '09. My original chosen date was 10/2. My sister then chose 9/24 (which is my dad's birthday, so that irritated me a little.) We live in Kentucky, and I got married in Florida. My sister wanted to get married in Florida too, but our families couldn't afford to make that trip twice in two weeks. So I moved my date to May. My sister then took the date I wanted to start with and got married at a bed and breakfast about 30 mins from here.

Brentley Peyton

Fri Sep 14, 2012 12:23 pm

If there is a way to afford going to both weddings, then I would go. It may suck to go without your husband but if it is possible for him to be home with the other children, then I would just take the newborn and expect help from extended family while I was there (getting to and from airport, a place to stay, etc), for the unexpected wedding I don't approve of. I would not go with my whole family due to cost (unless I actually can afford it). If I can't get off from work for the unexpected wedding I would not go, obviously. Time alone with your family may not be something you are thrilled about and you may not be excited to go to the wedding. I would still go because otherwise already weak family ties become weaker. But you could just fly there for the day of the wedding and then fly home the same day or next morning.

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my nephews: Alec, Jackson, Elijah, Hayden, Eric, Atreus, Nicholas, Isaac, Samuel
my niece: Rubie

Fri Sep 28, 2012 7:58 pm

i would just go to the one i wanted to go to, and forget the other(s). my cousin got married in california (all our family is in texas) and we couldn't afford to be there. buying 5 tickets was out of the question. i think my cousin was a little hurt at first, but i can't help it if she planned her wedding out-of-state. i got her a nice gift, sent it with my mom (my mom went to the wedding) and forgot about it. there is only so much we can do. if i were working, having a baby, had 2 other children at home, going back on maternity leave, and didn't care for someone a great deal, there is absolutely no way i would even attempt to go. my family comes first.

***ETA in addition, we don't know when babies will arrive. some arrive early, like all 3 of mine have. there are health issues in newborns that we sometimes have to deal with. in addition, what if you end up with a c-section and don't feel up to travel? arrangements, hotel, plane have to be paid for in advance. i would hate to pay for that (when i can't afford it anyway) and then for some unforseen reason, not be able to go afterall.