How far apart should siblings be?

Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:22 pm

In your opinion, what is the best "spacing" for siblings.

Pros and Cons?

Better to have them one year apart, so they are best friends or six years apart, so they both get time with you alone or something in between?

Wed Oct 24, 2012 3:42 pm

My 2 sisters and I are 17 and 18 months apart. Being the youngest, i am 3 years younger than the oldest. We are very close and i have lots of fond memories of my childhood with them. Teenage years were more difficult but we managed to stay close through it.

Pros: Closeness (in my opinion, my sis are still my best friends).

Cons: As a parents of kids close in age i am sure it is pretty hard. Also the only con i can think of for the kids is we all went to the same school and had the same teachers and they tended to compare us a lot, it stressed out my sisters, me i just found it a little annoying.

I am planning if possible to have my kids close in age as well.

Ludivine

Wed Oct 24, 2012 4:05 pm

I always laugh at the notion that just because they're close in age they're going to be friends. My mom & her older brother were 16 months apart, always fighting. (Although he was very protective of her.) As adults they didn't talk to each other for 10 years. We still did things together, I was very close to my cousins, but my mom & uncle didn't speak to each other, at all. Not even a "pass the salt". I will say, they made up in 1989 and were very very close until my uncle passed away in 2004. My mom also has 2 younger brothers, 11 years between her & the oldest. 14 months between them. They barely talk to each other. They have never gotten along. They are so different from each other that if they were any more different they'd start to be the same. My dad & his brother? 7 years between them. They were the best of friends. My husband & his brother? 16 months apart, best friends.

I think it has very little to do with spacing between kids & more to do with personality.

Thu Oct 25, 2012 2:03 pm

I always laugh at the notion that just because they're close in age they're going to be friends. My mom & her older brother were 16 months apart, always fighting. (Although he was very protective of her.) As adults they didn't talk to each other for 10 years. We still did things together, I was very close to my cousins, but my mom & uncle didn't speak to each other, at all. Not even a "pass the salt". I will say, they made up in 1989 and were very very close until my uncle passed away in 2004. My mom also has 2 younger brothers, 11 years between her & the oldest. 14 months between them. They barely talk to each other. They have never gotten along. They are so different from each other that if they were any more different they'd start to be the same. My dad & his brother? 7 years between them. They were the best of friends. My husband & his brother? 16 months apart, best friends.

I think it has very little to do with spacing between kids & more to do with personality.

I completely agree with you. I am the oldest of four with siblings spaced two years apart or less and I hated it. I am closest with the youngest one who is 6 years younger, but honestly would have done well as an only child. I think it has a lot to do with personality. When people say they "need" to give their child a sibling because they just have to have a friend close in age I also laugh. It also has a lot to do with the parent's personality and what you want to put up with and what your future plans are.

I have twins that are two minutes apart and seem to have a lot of fun together. This child will be about a 3 year difference and based on my twin experience, I wouldn't be comfortable with anything less. If we ever have another, we will probably wait at least three years to even TTC.

Mommy to twins
http://ifashley.blogspot.com
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Sat Oct 27, 2012 9:03 pm

Mine will be 17 months apart. My sister and I are 4 years apart and played together as kids, but as she entered her preteen years we drifted apart. We still talk, but not regularly and we're not super close. My husband and his brother are 16 months apart and aren't necessarily friends. My mother is the oldest of 5. She mostly talks to the next oldest sister (the middle child), after that would be the youngest. The other two are brothers and I just wouldn't expect her to be super close with them, but the two aren't close with each other either. There is about 10-12 yrs between my mother and my aunt (the youngest).
It could be hit or miss either way you go. I personally wouldn't want more than 3-3.5 yrs between one child and the next.

Brentley Peyton

Sun Oct 28, 2012 1:00 am

Oh, and my grandma was one of 8 kids. They were spaced out over 20 years. Which means that, given the time, the oldest (a boy) was gone in the military when the youngest was born. All 8 of them have always been super close. When they all married and had kids, they moved within a 3 block radius of where they grew up. My mom grew up with over 70 cousins. Her youngest cousin is 3 years older than me. Her oldest cousin is 2 years younger than the youngest aunt.

Sun Oct 28, 2012 9:40 am

Well if I get pregnant this cycle it would ideal spacing! My DD is 3 years old and will be going to JK in September full day everyday, I would be due on July, that way DD would have a month or 2 with baby before school, but then new baby and I will have that one on one bond time and I wont feel guilt for not spending as much time with DD. DD can help out somewhat (like get me a diaper) and feel proud to be a helpful big sister and she is old enough to play pretend with baby dolls for baby practice and she will be "mature" enough to not be as jealous when Im holding the baby...I say that now we will wait and see lol. So I think that for me the 3-4 year age difference is perfect and she has a cousin who is a 11 months apart so they can be best buds if the siblings are not... however I understand the want to have them close together, get diapers done at one time, loose sleep at one time and get it over with, close and age and best buds, etc. So really to be honest I would be happy with any age difference

Sun Oct 28, 2012 6:46 pm

8 years is the best, IMO. Then you should have two at once.

__________________

Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:09 pm

8 years is the best, IMO. Then you should have two at once.

Damn where's that LIKE button!?


(Although, after what we've done for permanent measures, if I get pg next year someone will DIE!)

Mon Nov 05, 2012 4:07 pm

My little guy is 9 months old and we've been trying for a couple months now. We'd love for ours to be close in age! My sis and I were awkwardly spaced out IMO, at 2 1/2 years apart and clashed really badly as kids, but get along better now. It wasn't close enough and wasn't far apart enough at the same time. I'm one of those moms that want to get all of the diapers, breastfeeding, and sleep deprivation over as quickly as possible!

Tue Nov 06, 2012 11:04 am

My little man is 5 months old and I am currently 8 weeks pregnant. My little ones will be exactly a year apart. I have no idea if they will be close or enemies, but I do know that I plan to give each one as much individual attention as possible. Honestly, I'm kind of scared of how hard it is going to be to have two babies, but there are people out there who can do it no problem. As for the question of how far apart siblings should be, I really don't know the right age difference because every family and every child is different. It really all depends on if the age difference was something good or bad for you or your family.

Wed Mar 20, 2013 8:54 pm

I have twins (9/30/07) and their brother was born (9/22/09) it's been great! They're super close and it has been soo easy!! Same week but two years apart, the twins were outta diapers, no bottle and no binky before we brought their brother home...

Thu Mar 21, 2013 12:49 pm

My two are 13 months apart.. Though I wouldn't recommend it, if I could do it all over again I totally would!

Cori
December '12 BDC Board Leader Corikins@gmail.com