WWYD

Mon Aug 13, 2012 3:40 pm

Situation: You have a six-week-old infant, and recently had a large gathering for family and friends centered around the baby. The baby was passed around and held by many people, and seemed generally fine with everyone except for one particular person. Every time this person held him, he screamed as though he were in pain. She seemed very awkward and uncomfortable while holding him (it didn't look like she was supporting his head very well), but seemed to want to hold him anyway, and was reluctant to give him back when you tried to rescue him. She has voiced a desire to visit frequently so that she can see the baby, but you are uncomfortable with the idea of her holding him until he is old enough to hold his own head up consistently. It is important to the baby's father that this person has a relationship with the baby. How would you handle this situation? Does it matter who exactly this person is, or what your own relationship with her is like?

Jen
Married to Ryan since June 06
Mother of one saint in heaven and Nathan Michael, 6/28/12

Mon Aug 13, 2012 9:11 pm

I had this happen to me. My neice didnt want to be near me and would.cry at the sound of my voice. Shes over it now. Babies change, and while it may be important to dh for this peraon to have a relationship with the baby, it coud be better to give the baby some time. M.aybe try again in a few weeks.it would be important to me that my child not.experience the unnecessary anxiety while adjusting to her surroundings and the people who are closer to her...ie grandparents, aunts un. if sthis person comes by sooner than you anticipate, let them try to hold her again and if she strts crying take her back and comfort her. Its your child. Eventually the person will get it.


Eta....i got my him and her mixed so please forgive me for that....and for the terrible punctuation. Im typing on my phone.

Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:36 pm

I know exactly how that is my oldest daughter was very particular person, especially men, who held or even came around her. She was even that way with her own father, but she grew out of it. Unfortunately she didn't grow out of it until she was almost three, but it didn't bother me because your child will let you know one way or another if he/she doesn't like a certain person or many people. I have a 7 month old son who is particular about who hold him, he's nothing compared to how my oldest daughter was but he will let you know. So don't be alarmed, let your child grow and see if they will be comfortable as they grow.

Wed Aug 15, 2012 7:35 pm

Is there a reason for not pointing out that she isn't supporting the baby's head enough? To me, pointing that out would be the simplest & easiest answer.

Wed Aug 15, 2012 11:30 pm

Is there a reason for not pointing out that she isn't supporting the baby's head enough? To me, pointing that out would be the simplest & easiest answer.

Theoretically, this person should know how to hold a baby because she has raised children of her own, and my relationship with her is not great. Pointing out that she's not holding him correctly has the potential to cause at least as much drama as trying to limit her access to the baby would.

Jen
Married to Ryan since June 06
Mother of one saint in heaven and Nathan Michael, 6/28/12

Thu Aug 16, 2012 9:09 am

Is there a reason for not pointing out that she isn't supporting the baby's head enough? To me, pointing that out would be the simplest & easiest answer.

Theoretically, this person should know how to hold a baby because she has raised children of her own, and my relationship with her is not great. Pointing out that she's not holding him correctly has the potential to cause at least as much drama as trying to limit her access to the baby would.

I think it's possible, if you two have a strained relationship, that she's uptight when holding him and that's making him uncomfortable. It's awkward, sometimes, when people are reluctant to return a crying baby to Mama, but just gently slide your arms and get him if the crying yes on too long. My MIL used to refuse to give ds to me no matter how upset he got. Our relationship was/is horrible and I know it was a hard blow to her pride to have to give me a screaming baby to calm down.

3 angels, Ashley, Elijah's twin Alison, and Baby October.

Thu Aug 16, 2012 11:26 am

Is there a reason for not pointing out that she isn't supporting the baby's head enough? To me, pointing that out would be the simplest & easiest answer.

Theoretically, this person should know how to hold a baby because she has raised children of her own, and my relationship with her is not great. Pointing out that she's not holding him correctly has the potential to cause at least as much drama as trying to limit her access to the baby would.

Too bad that she's raised her own. You say something along the lines of his neck seeming weak & needing more support. Or your dh can say something. To me I'd rather do that than limit someone who would love my child from seeing them.

Thu Aug 16, 2012 11:31 am

I want to add that people forget things from when they had their kids. I'm assuming this is an older relative whose kids are probably grown? It's possible that she has forgotten how much support heads need. Or it's possible that her kids didn't need much head support. I didn't. I was lifting my head & looking around the nursery at 1 day. DS was much the same way. We didn't need to support his head much at all. A gentle reminder may not cause as much drama as you're thinking it would whereas cutting this person off would cause a lot of it.

Fri Aug 17, 2012 5:04 am

I personally am not so subtle, but if you feel you have to be for family peace and there is truly no way out of visiting with this person I would try to schedule it around feeds and/or nap times so you can always use the excuse 'time for baby to eat/sleep' and take him back. You can also try to blame the baby, something like 'Baby is really picky about having his neck held, let me show you how he likes it best'. I would talk to my dh and at least make him aware of how uncomfortable the situation is, have him there during visits so he can correct the holding or be the one to take the baby back.

Thu Aug 23, 2012 6:55 pm

I would have DH say something. If she's special enough that it's important she be around, he should be comfortable saying something. If he doesn't, I would just take action yourself and suggest a more comfortable position for baby. You know whats best for your baby, and with her having kids she should understand. I don't care who is holding my baby, if she's upset I feel like I should be the one to take care of her. People often think they know best because they've had kids before, but it's your baby.

Brentley Peyton