Wanting to go natural : Natural Childbirth

Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:28 pm

Hello, all!

I have a bit of a dilemma and don't know what to do!

When I first got pregnant, I had pretty much made up my mind to do a natural waterbirth, with a midwife. I just needed DH to check the insurance to see if it was covered before I could call the midwives and see if they took it and start the interview process. DH never called, and time went by, and the next thing I knew I was at my first OB appointment with a really nice and wonderful OB discussing the birth and what we would do. And I feel kind of carried along with the whole hospital/OB thing.

But I still really want to do this natural! A huge part of me is rebelling against the whole hospital/OB birth thing because I grew up very natural-minded and try to stay that way. I use herbal remedies, etc. And I really want a waterbirth. I just DO. And now I'm feeling frustrated because I want to do the midwife thing and yet here I am into my second trimester and still seeing an OB and not doing what I want! A part of me wants to rebel and just refuse to go to the hospital when I go into labor at this rate.

My dilemma is that I'm not sure how to get my way. I'm very softspoken, a bit of a pushover. I hate to change suddenly to a midwife, because I don't want to be rude to my OB.
and then I also worry that if something goes wrong, I will get some ER doctor that doesn't know me or my case and will do a crappy job and not listen to me at all. We have no OBs in our area that do waterbirths, although our hospital has waterbirth suites.

What do you think?

Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:11 pm

If you want to switch you do not have to discuss it with your OB at all. If you find a midwife you love just call and cancel your ob appt. Your midwife should/will request your records for you too so you would not have to worry about that either. Also my midwives will accompany me to the hospital and stay with me the whole time if there is a need to go in. I hope you find a great midwife you love and have a great waterbirth! I'm planning a waterbirth too.

Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:13 pm

I think if you really want a natural birth you should trust your instincts and switch to a midwife. I'm sure your OB won't be offended. People switch care providers all the time, and many women have switched later in pregnancy than you are now. Also, you may not have to be the one to tell your OB that you're leaving. Just start the process with the midwife and likely she'll be able to send a letter to your OB stating that she's taking over your care and requesting your records. I know it can be tough to stand up for yourself sometimes, but try to think of it as standing up for your baby instead. That might make it easier. Your little one deserves the best possible start in life.

Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:16 pm

Thank you! And thank you, elsak, for the point of view that I am doing it for the baby. That is a very good point.

I do love the OB I've been seeing, he is very fatherly. But my heart yearns for the natural way. my SIL is going natural, and she is so content. And she knows what to take when she's sick, she has lots of contact. Where I feel like I am rushed and allowed two questions tops, and I have no one to call at 6 pm if I have a concern. I have emailed a midwife that seems good, and will go from there. I guess

I just needed reasurance that I'm not changing my provider too late, and that I'm not experiencing hormonal crazies. lol

Wed Oct 28, 2009 9:03 am

I changed to a midwife two weeks before my third trimester. I did not get my home birth because I ended up delivery premmaturely but I never regret my decision. I actually did bring up my desire to go to a midwife and my doctor showed me quickly that she was close minded, a biggot and had no problem telling me how many problems from midwives she had to fix. That was that. No way did I want her and her small mindedness catching my baby. This is YOUR birth and you can't redo it. Follow your heart and have no regrets. I definitely don't.

Wed Oct 28, 2009 1:49 pm

Are there any options for a waterbirth in a hospital? I had a waterbirth in a hospital with an OB. Maybe that is not a common option, though. Either way, I'd say you aren't going to hurt your OB's feelings... your birth is your birth and you should do what feels right for you. I'd say start contacting some midwives I think you'll be happier if you do.

Wed Oct 28, 2009 3:52 pm

I understand where you are coming from. I was really worried about having to do a hospital birth this time but I finally switched midwives and found some I really clicked with. She wont do a water birth but as long as I can labor in the water I will be happy. With my first I ended up not liking the water very much anyway so you just dont know what you will want when labor arrives no matter how much you plan.

If you like your OB and you can labor in water and do natural would that be ok with you?

Otherwise, it doesnt hurt to see if your insurance would pay for a midwife and go talk to a few of them. I talked to a midwife and some doulas before deciding I was comfortable at the hospital. It took me awhile to come to the decision that you can have a peaceful, natural birth anywhere you go - you just need supportive people around you and a good birth plan, a supportive OB/midwife, and be willing to tell people to go away if they are not being conducive to the environment.

Wed Oct 28, 2009 6:14 pm

I would have loved to work with an OB for a waterbirth, but there are no waterbirth certified OBs in my area. and when I broached the subject of a standing birth to my OB, he got offended and let me know in no uncertain terms that I would be laying down for the birth. The options in my area are not great for standing or water births unless you go with a midwife.

I do think that my hospital has suites for water birth. I need to double check it, but I do know they have suites with hot tubs / water tubs in them.

I do adore my OB, but he seems determined to go with the traditional birth situation, and I did originally want a waterbirth. I just got tired of amending what I wanted for my birth experience to make others happy. I need to do the birth that I originally wanted to do.

Wed Oct 28, 2009 8:04 pm

SelenaJean wrote:If you want to switch you do not have to discuss it with your OB at all. If you find a midwife you love just call and cancel your ob appt. Your midwife should/will request your records for you too so you would not have to worry about that either. Also my midwives will accompany me to the hospital and stay with me the whole time if there is a need to go in. I hope you find a great midwife you love and have a great waterbirth! I'm planning a waterbirth too.

She is right. If you want a midwife you should have one. I kinda did the same thing you did and kept my mouth shut. Luckily my OB is now on maternity leave and I will be in the care of a midwife for the rest of my pregnancy. I am hoping to transfer my care over to her entirely. You should have the birth that you want and I really think this is one of those situations where you should get your way.

Wed Oct 28, 2009 8:05 pm

cassiestapp wrote:I would have loved to work with an OB for a waterbirth, but there are no waterbirth certified OBs in my area. and when I broached the subject of a standing birth to my OB, he got offended and let me know in no uncertain terms that I would be laying down for the birth. The options in my area are not great for standing or water births unless you go with a midwife.
I do think that my hospital has suites for water birth. I need to double check it, but I do know they have suites with hot tubs / water tubs in them.
I do adore my OB, but he seems determined to go with the traditional birth situation, and I did originally want a waterbirth. I just got tired of amending what I wanted for my birth experience to make others happy. I need to do the birth that I originally wanted to do.

The most important thing for a good experience is to fight for what you want. The fact that he is not even open to an alternative delivery method then laying/stirrups is disturbing and would make me want to find someone else. I had to switch providers with my 1st pregnancy midway through and it is pretty normal for midwives to start care in the middle. I would go get a copy of your OB records (you have a right to them) to give to the midwife you choose so they know what has been going on.

Thu Oct 29, 2009 12:56 am

I understand what it feels like to be torn between your care provider and the birth you long for. With my second pregnancy, I felt obligated to go to my original OB because he already knew me and I was friendly with the office staff. Once I got further along in my pregnancy, he just started to rub me the wrong way and I didn't like what my gut was saying to me. I started asking him specific questions about what he "required" of me while in labor and delivering. The answers I received did not make the feeling go away. As a matter of fact, it did the exact opposite. At 34 weeks I changed to a practice with midwives and finally felt at ease.

Mom's usually have great instincts. If your instincts are telling you that you need to look into water birthing again, then listen! There is no reason for you to feel bad about changing and leaving your OB. HE works for YOU. If he isn't going to do the job the way you wish, and health concerns do not play a factor in his actions, then he is insubbordinate (sp?).

Think of it this way; if you needed to hire someone to install new flooring in your home and they did not listen to you when you told them it was to be done in the bedroom, choosing the living room instead, wouldn't you either go to the top of the "food chain" in the company or just fire them outright? This is the same thing you have to think about when you are dealing with your health care providers. If not for you, then for the sake of the baby, you want things to be done a certain way.

Go with your gut!

Thu Oct 29, 2009 5:06 pm

Yay! We talked to my doctor (PCP) about switching to a midwife and she is 100% for it. She loves midwives and is very supportive of their work. She sees nothing wrong with me switching based on how low-risk my pregnancy is.

Sat Oct 31, 2009 1:32 am

Great news!!! Congratulations!!!!

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