well, you prob already know my answer to this... BUT
 
considering that the murdered person also had a family that loved them and wanted them, I would turn in whoever i knew that did such a hanice act.  It's not fair for the other person's family, c'mon , honestly, put yourself in their shoes, and tell me you wouldn't want to know the truth.

TheCndymncan wrote:well, you prob already know my answer to this... BUT
 
considering that the murdered person also had a family that loved them and wanted them, I would turn in whoever i knew that did such a hanice act.  It's not fair for the other person's family, c'mon , honestly, put yourself in their shoes, and tell me you wouldn't want to know the truth.

 

I'm all for capital punishment, hell, let them rot in jail for all I care...

I think I would support my family until I saw irrefutable evidence that they were guilty. Even then I would still "support" them and what they were going through; support doesn't always mean claiming their innocence. You can love your family member without loving what they have done. Unless they killed one of my children....then I would probably hate them with every fiber of my being.
 
But if I *knew* they were guilty I would turn them in. I would probably even turn them in if there were a warrant for their arrest; just because I would want to process to start so they could be cleared if I believed them to be innocent.
 
I think some people are so much in shock about what their relative or friend has done that they just can't process it so they claim their innocence and stand behind them. It's probably easier to do that, psychologically, than to admit that this person has committed such a heinous act.

So my question is, how far would you support a family member?
It depends on the crime
If you knew your family member had broken the law and was facing jail for  something like murder or child neglect  would you lie and do whatever you could to give them longer time on the streets?
 
Child neglect and murder no. As much as it would break my heart i think i would have to turn them in. I thnk another factor is which member of the family. I would be more likely to support my dh than my BIL for example. But if my dh murdered someone on purpose then i couldnt be with him as he woudlnt be the person i thought he was. 
What do you think of the families who support thier family members when they KNOW for a fact the wrong they did? 
 
Denial maybe, no one wants to belive that a family member is capable of evil or violence. For some im sure it is a real shock as they had no idea that person had it in them to commit such crimes.  I cant judge them as it must be a horrible situation to be in.
On the flip side, if someone hurt my child I could see myself being so angry that i might be capable of seriously hurting that person, but thats another HT.

To answer myself, I would not suppot a family member if they murdered someone or abused a child. I would turn them in a heart beat and never talk to them again. I also think its annoying when I see on t.v. or the news the family supporting the person when confessions and forsensic evidence is clear as day. I think they look incredibly foolish, especially when they say "he/she didn't do it" and sit and proclaim the innocence of thier family member who confessed. I may be biased because of personal experience.
The family of the one who does wrong still has the ability to drive up to a prison and visit thier loved one. I will never have that chance, nor will the rest of my family, for that I don't think those convicted of certain crimes should be allowed visitors etc.

Ciennasmom wrote:To answer myself, I would not suppot a family member if they murdered someone or abused a child. I would turn them in a heart beat and never talk to them again. I also think its annoying when I see on t.v. or the news the family supporting the person when confessions and forsensic evidence is clear as day. I think they look incredibly foolish, especially when they say "he/she didn't do it" and sit and proclaim the innocence of thier family member who confessed. I may be biased because of personal experience.
The family of the one who does wrong still has the ability to drive up to a prison and visit thier loved one. I will never have that chance, nor will the rest of my family, for that I don't think those convicted of certain crimes should be allowed visitors etc.

 
You make a good point about the other family still being able to see their relative. So sorry for your loss. 

I would assume it is more of an emotional issue than a logical issue. When you help to raise someone and love them strongly then something like this happens... where does that force family to look? It forces them to take an internal look and try to disperse some of the blame of how that person became so horrible. When they come to the conclusion that they did nothing wrong, their brain incorrectly assumes they must not have done the horrible crime. This is just my supposition though.

Anyway, I would hope my children would know that I could never support them trying to get around the consequences of their actions. Whether it is stealing or something awful that really harmed another man. I would hope that integrity would allow me to stand up and turn him in. I would probably not say anything to the media about it one way or another and wait for the jury to decide.

Well I think this is hard - no one wants to believe that someone they know and love, especially their child, is capable of killing someone. 
I live in Central Florida and for a long time we did nothing but hear about Casey Anthony, while I think her parents know something, I can feel for them and understand what they are doing, they lost their only granddaughter and the daughter they raised is the person that killed her. Can you imagine knowing you raised a killer? I think the denial is normal.
Now if it was my family, I think I would show support until there were facts. I would hope that if I had a family member who was capable of something bad, that I would have "known" this about them -not trusted them, felt something was off about them.

I think many times normal people who snap show signs way before they snap and many family and friends ignore the signs.

Peppy

Would I turn them over to the police......HELL YEA!!
Would I lie for them.......HELL NO!!
Would I want them to pay in Jail time or death (depending on what they did)........Hell Yea!!!
Would their hanous Acts stop me from loving them...Doubtful.
Would I try to give them emtional support... Probably.
 
I have not been in this kind of situation, thankfully.. But I am thinking that if a family member commited murder, rape, child abuse/neglect etc etc etc... I am hopeful that while I could hate the sin, and want punishment for it, that I could still find a way to love the sinner. Though I am not sure I would be able to do both...
 
The closest experince I have this with kind of thing,  has to do with my mother and her brother. and while I had no idea anything wrong ever happened to my mother at the hands of him, I was never comfortable around him. So I always kept my distance, even as a small child. Later when I did find out about what had happened, it comfirmed why I was uncomfortable with him, and gave me an understanding as to why I always stayed away from him. However learning of it, while it did effect my adult understanding of this man and I cringed to learn what he had done, and hope for him to suffer in some deep dark place of my heart for what he did...The years of knowing this man as Uncle and having a limited effection for him was not erased.  To this day, I stay as far from him as humanly possible, thankfully he lives over 300 miles away LOL and I keep my children away from him as well. But I respect that if my own mother could push it aside and forgive her brother, who am I to hold on to it. So instead of focusing on that which I can not change, I follow her lead. I detest the sin, but try to love the sinner. Though I try to "love" him from as far away as possible. LOL
But this situation is not even in the same realm as what you are describing in your post.
 
 
 

So my question is, how far would you support a family member?  If they were truly innocent then I would support them.  If they were guilty...not so much.  It also would depend on the crime.

If
you knew your family member had broken the law and was facing jail for 
something like murder or child neglect  would you lie and do whatever
you could to give them longer time on the streets?  If I knew they committed a crime, I'd turn them in ASAP.  There is no way I would hide them or lie for them.

What do you think of the families who support thier family members when they KNOW for a fact the wrong they did?   I think that they are probably in denial.   I think it is sad but at the same time I can understand a parent not wanting to think their child did something horrible.

I don't think it's a bad thing that you want to believe in and support the people you love, even though sometimes it's hard to understand from the outside.  Certainly I used to see parents and family members -- all the time -- who were in complete denial about the criminal activities in which their family members were engaging (although I don't actually recall people willing to take the stand and lie), and I also saw "victim" families do the same thing (I put victim in quotes there because there was the occasional alleged victim who clearly was making things up and was being completely enabled by family members -- the more they claimed to be victimized, the more attention they got, even if the stories they were telling were illogical and unsupported).
 
I have no idea how I'd feel or what I'd do, really, if one of my kids were to engage in violent, serious criminal activity.  I wouldn't lie in court for them.  But I doubt I'd sever our relationship either.  In oh so many ways I hope I never have to think about it.

Ciennasmom wrote:To answer myself, I would not suppot a family member if they murdered someone or abused a child. I would turn them in a heart beat and never talk to them again. I also think its annoying when I see on t.v. or the news the family supporting the person when confessions and forsensic evidence is clear as day. I think they look incredibly foolish, especially when they say "he/she didn't do it" and sit and proclaim the innocence of thier family member who confessed. I may be biased because of personal experience.
The family of the one who does wrong still has the ability to drive up to a prison and visit thier loved one. I will never have that chance, nor will the rest of my family, for that I don't think those convicted of certain crimes should be allowed visitors etc.

 

i think you bring out a very good point, why are people in prison ALLOWED to have visitors? This doesn't make any sense whatsoever.  They should really look into changing that.

This topic is extremely relevant to me because:
http://www.azcentral.com/community/swvalley/articles/2008/10/30/20081030docmurder1031.html
 
My mother's cousin (15 at the time) and another boy feigned injury to carjack someone to get to a party. When an off duty corrections officer pulled over to help the "injured" boy, the other one shot him in the head. They then threw the car seat and stroller out of his car and went to a party. They drove the car into the desert afterwards and set it on fire.
 
His wife was at home, pregnant.
 
Since this happened, my great aunt and other family members, including Ben's siblings have come out asking for support and for letters to be written to the judge on Ben's behalf.
 
I cannot, for the life of me, understand it. I understand we are all related by blood. I understand that many of my great aunts and uncles have known Ben since he was a baby. I cannot drum up any sympathy at all. They could give him the death penalty and it would seem fitting for me. He robbed two young children of their father to go to a party. It sickens me.

Ciennasmom wrote:So my question is, how far would you support a family member?
If you knew your family member had broken the law and was facing jail for  something like murder or child neglect  would you lie and do whatever you could to give them longer time on the streets?
What do you think of the families who support thier family members when they KNOW for a fact the wrong they did? 
  
 

 
I'm sorry but if a family member or close friend commited a haneous act like murder or child neglect, you better believe I'm going to the police!  I'm sorry, even if it was my DF I would still turn him in!  How could I live with myself if they went on to do it again and more ppl got hurt in the process?  Just think of all the families that would be hurt and grieving, and there you are holding evidence or even the suspect. 
I think the families who support their family, can support all they want but they should not withhold evidence against said person.  They can support them through the trials, but they should not "support" them by aiding and abiding.  I understand that they love them and don't want anything bad to happen to them, but they are not excluded from punishment when it is due, no matter what.  Thats just my opinion on it.

I have a brother that's 2 year younger than me.

My mom (she's my step mom, his bio mom) covered for him, and covered for him...and lied for him, and paid off things for him....and you name it...she did it.

Until it got to much.

My brother stole $20,000 from my parents - wrote checks -pretended he was my dad - applied for (and got) credit cards in his name....it was bad. 

My mom tried to cover it up for a while - but then it got to be too much - and she had to admit everything to my dad. The reason was because Louisiana has a 3 strikes and your out law...and this was his 3rd time...he did 5 years.  In addition to the 2 trips he did previously.  He spent most of his adult years in some time of jail. 

To this day - she says that my brother was just hanging out with the 'wrong people'.  She refuses to admit he IS the 'wrong' people.

My older brother (who is a half brother to the youngest one) and I both have refused to provide our home addresses to the youngest.  Supposedly he's changed...but I'm not risking it. 

I think that it's hard when it's your child...but if the facts are there...they are facts. You can love your child, and not condone criminal behavior.

Until I was fully convinced that my loved one truly committed the crime, I would support them 100%. Once it became clear that they really did it,  I would tell them I loved them,  that I will always love them, but I will not stand by them until they do the right thing and come completely clean and cooperate fully with the police.   If they refused, I would turn their butt in.  I have to stand before God one day and give an account for what I've done.
 
When/if  they did cooperate and were of course convicted, I would have very very limited contact with them.  I would possibly write them letters and maybe visit them once in a blue moon... dependant on the nature of the crime and their attitude since the crime was committed.   I would always tell them that they are still loved,  that I forgive them, but I will never trust them again.  I would never, ever allow my unborn child to know them unless it were for a lesser, non-violent crime, and even  then I would never take my child to the prison. 
 
 
I have some sympathy for the family's who have a hard time accepting these horrible crimes. But if they truly looked back in hindsight, they would probably see some warning signs that something was up, ya know?   Even still, people will believe what they want to believe.